I keep having really drastic mood swings.
Maybe it's because I'm frustrated that there should be something really profound here that I should be picking up on, but I can't put my thumb on it.
There'd better be one hell of a good lesson behind all this.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
eenie meenie minie moe
What's the difference between a good person who happens to do bad things and a truly bad person?
You all say that I'm usually a very forgiving person, generally implying the hypocracy of the fact that I'm giving dad such a hard time, but why does anybody think that it would be easy to extend forgiveness for such a horrible thing? Yeah, I'm pretty mellow with other people, but I've never had this happen. Why should this be the same thing? Not only were we betrayed, but we were betrayed by family. There's a marked difference. You should hold your family more accountable for their actions than those who aren't that close to you.
But the question I've really been struggling with is the difference between bad people and good people. Maybe there isn't a difference. Maybe people are just people and it's their actions - good or bad - that define who they are. Earlier this week, when I went in to Student Life to talk with the heads of the department who would be hearing Grimace's side of the story, I told them that I wanted to let them know that he was a good kid. Later, Ms. Krepps asked me why I would say something like that. I'd told her that he'd snuck her into his room, that they weren't even going out anymore - that he was just using her for sex - that he didn't care. That he'd tried to blame all the rest of his personal problems on me, that he'd lied to the campus police and to Student Life, and that now he was telling everybody who would listen what I bitch I was and playing the part of the martyr to the max.
"What exactly do you think there is good about him?" Ms. Krepps said. "He's lying and manipulative. He won't own up to his problems. He's immature and immoral. What do you see in him that we don't?"
I saw her point. Goodness isn't just some abstract that floats around us, keeping our sense of morality intact no matter what else we do. But in a society that wants more than anything to be tolerant to a fault, we are taught to justify anything and everything, saying that the person is really good. Kind of like the "hate the sin love the sinner" bit that flies around this school all the time.
Why do we have such a hard time calling bad people bad? Because we're afraid they'll get angry? Because they'll label us as prejudiced?
If anything I'm cutting dad some slack. I have not said to one person that I hate him or that he's a terrible person. I have said that I can't believe somebody would do something like that, but I'm letting him off easier than I would anybody else because he's my father. I can't even think of words dirty enough to describe anybody else who would do that. They would immediately and forever be thrown into the horrible-person pile.
The Bible tells us to forgive seventy times seven. But I have to ask, at what point are we just being stupid and gulible? At what point is it just dumb to keep forgiving? And can you forgive somebody for something they did while still believing them to be a bad person?
You all say that I'm usually a very forgiving person, generally implying the hypocracy of the fact that I'm giving dad such a hard time, but why does anybody think that it would be easy to extend forgiveness for such a horrible thing? Yeah, I'm pretty mellow with other people, but I've never had this happen. Why should this be the same thing? Not only were we betrayed, but we were betrayed by family. There's a marked difference. You should hold your family more accountable for their actions than those who aren't that close to you.
But the question I've really been struggling with is the difference between bad people and good people. Maybe there isn't a difference. Maybe people are just people and it's their actions - good or bad - that define who they are. Earlier this week, when I went in to Student Life to talk with the heads of the department who would be hearing Grimace's side of the story, I told them that I wanted to let them know that he was a good kid. Later, Ms. Krepps asked me why I would say something like that. I'd told her that he'd snuck her into his room, that they weren't even going out anymore - that he was just using her for sex - that he didn't care. That he'd tried to blame all the rest of his personal problems on me, that he'd lied to the campus police and to Student Life, and that now he was telling everybody who would listen what I bitch I was and playing the part of the martyr to the max.
"What exactly do you think there is good about him?" Ms. Krepps said. "He's lying and manipulative. He won't own up to his problems. He's immature and immoral. What do you see in him that we don't?"
I saw her point. Goodness isn't just some abstract that floats around us, keeping our sense of morality intact no matter what else we do. But in a society that wants more than anything to be tolerant to a fault, we are taught to justify anything and everything, saying that the person is really good. Kind of like the "hate the sin love the sinner" bit that flies around this school all the time.
Why do we have such a hard time calling bad people bad? Because we're afraid they'll get angry? Because they'll label us as prejudiced?
If anything I'm cutting dad some slack. I have not said to one person that I hate him or that he's a terrible person. I have said that I can't believe somebody would do something like that, but I'm letting him off easier than I would anybody else because he's my father. I can't even think of words dirty enough to describe anybody else who would do that. They would immediately and forever be thrown into the horrible-person pile.
The Bible tells us to forgive seventy times seven. But I have to ask, at what point are we just being stupid and gulible? At what point is it just dumb to keep forgiving? And can you forgive somebody for something they did while still believing them to be a bad person?
Friday, September 26, 2008
grimace and gamma chi's
It's about one in the morning. Jenn's gone for the weekend. I was studying for my Biology quiz on Monday since I'll be out of town on Sunday evening for a concert in Pittsburgh, but I feel like I have things to tell people.
First, Grimace is real mad. Real real mad. He's suspended till Monday night, and even though people keep telling me that I did the right thing, I live in a society and in a generation where the unspoken rule is that if you know something, you should keep your mouth shut about it. As long as someone is getting away with something bad it's okay. They're not in real trouble until they get caught. And then it should be by accident, never when someone turns them in.
When I spoke to a very angry Grimace on the phone last Monday, he brought up a couple of intersting points among a whole lot of very nasty things to say. He said, "I have friends at home who smoke pot. You probably do too, but do I see you ratting them out, even when they're doing something hurtful and dangerous? No. You don't rat out your friends to the cops, so why would you do this to me?" My answer to him was that I haven't been told to turn in my friends who smoke pot, and I'm being paid to make sure kids follow the rules here. He would have none of it, and that's fine, but it bothers me that this is his stance.
The Gamma Chi's, the sorority I'm looking to join, got wind of this situation and sat me down last night. They informed me that, as a sorority, they would not be giving me a bid for membership this weekend because they feel that they don't want to put me in the awkward position of having to choose between upholding my integrity as an RA and not ratting out the group. They told me that they will be offering bids again in November and that they'd love to take me then if this is what I wanted, but that they wanted me to think about the fact that they sometimes do things they're not supposed to and that I don't have to participate, but I will know about these things and I will have to be okay with them. In all, it's been a cruddy week to do with this kind of stuff, but I'm glad that the girls thought to talk to me about this. I appreciate their honesty and I'll think about it for sure.
Last week in Chem lab, we stripped the dye off of M&Ms and ran all kinds of tests on it to determine the nature of the dyes used. All in all - M&Ms don't have that much dye. So eat up.
K I'm going to finish studying Bio now. Have a good night...morning...whatev.
First, Grimace is real mad. Real real mad. He's suspended till Monday night, and even though people keep telling me that I did the right thing, I live in a society and in a generation where the unspoken rule is that if you know something, you should keep your mouth shut about it. As long as someone is getting away with something bad it's okay. They're not in real trouble until they get caught. And then it should be by accident, never when someone turns them in.
When I spoke to a very angry Grimace on the phone last Monday, he brought up a couple of intersting points among a whole lot of very nasty things to say. He said, "I have friends at home who smoke pot. You probably do too, but do I see you ratting them out, even when they're doing something hurtful and dangerous? No. You don't rat out your friends to the cops, so why would you do this to me?" My answer to him was that I haven't been told to turn in my friends who smoke pot, and I'm being paid to make sure kids follow the rules here. He would have none of it, and that's fine, but it bothers me that this is his stance.
The Gamma Chi's, the sorority I'm looking to join, got wind of this situation and sat me down last night. They informed me that, as a sorority, they would not be giving me a bid for membership this weekend because they feel that they don't want to put me in the awkward position of having to choose between upholding my integrity as an RA and not ratting out the group. They told me that they will be offering bids again in November and that they'd love to take me then if this is what I wanted, but that they wanted me to think about the fact that they sometimes do things they're not supposed to and that I don't have to participate, but I will know about these things and I will have to be okay with them. In all, it's been a cruddy week to do with this kind of stuff, but I'm glad that the girls thought to talk to me about this. I appreciate their honesty and I'll think about it for sure.
Last week in Chem lab, we stripped the dye off of M&Ms and ran all kinds of tests on it to determine the nature of the dyes used. All in all - M&Ms don't have that much dye. So eat up.
K I'm going to finish studying Bio now. Have a good night...morning...whatev.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
secret date.
I don't have very much time because I have a ton of homework and then I'm going out with one of the sororities.
Yesterday on our secret date, Stephen took me to Pittsburgh. We went and walked around the strip district (and tried a whole bunch of weird food, like apple soda and calamari and juice made out of aloe). And then he took me on a picnic to Point Park. (The actual park, not the university.) And then he took me up the incline to look at the city. It was so awesome.
I posted some pictures online. Take a look.
Yesterday on our secret date, Stephen took me to Pittsburgh. We went and walked around the strip district (and tried a whole bunch of weird food, like apple soda and calamari and juice made out of aloe). And then he took me on a picnic to Point Park. (The actual park, not the university.) And then he took me up the incline to look at the city. It was so awesome.
I posted some pictures online. Take a look.
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